Empty
by MayBates
Summary: She's torn up plenty, but she'll fly true.


Empty

Zoe no longer had anyone to complete her. No light humor to highlight her day, no one to lovingly talk to as they settled down to go to bed. All she could do was blindly follow Mal's orders to keep from facing the morose, morbid truth. No more blond hair to play with. No husband. Just her.

Wash was gone. Everyone kept looking at her for a reaction, but she remained strong. She had to. Even though there was a cold, empty space in her bed, she could not act empty. Getting out of bed seemed like the hardest thing for Zoe, because the residual crew was waiting for her to react to the events. She had nothing to say. But Zoe knew it was only a matter of time.

Zoe slipped out of her stone-cold bed and slid on her shoes. She had expected a kiss on the cheek as she fumbled with the laces, but received only the disappointment of something that would never come. Zoe climbed up her bunk ladder, anticipating the ruling she would face for acting completely sober. Crew were talking in the kitchen, she could hear the murmurs from her bunk. She began to make her way to the kitchen, boots on her feet making an echo throughout Serenity. Zoe entered the kitchen, and the crew; Mal, Simon, and Jayne began to get quieter. Zoe stood there, behind the counter, getting the little she needed for breakfast. Tears still stood in her eyes. Stagnant, not moving. Like him.

"How do you think she's taking it?" Simon asked Mal. The young doctor ran his fingers through his jet black hair. He looked up. The brightness from the kitchen lights hurt his eyes. They were always too bright. Having conversations in the kitchen always felt like you were in some sort of spotlight. He preferred the infirmary.

"Same as she takes everything." Mal answered, "As it comes."

Mal was thinking of not how in the 'verse they would repair Serenity, but how he could repair his crew.

"I don't know Mal" Jayne said, joining their discussion. "I keep thinkin' about Booke, and I ain't never gonna forget him for a while."

"Everyone's shaken up, Jayne." Mal said. "It's just a matter of getting back on our feet."

Zoe went up to the bridge to think. She pushed her brown hair from her staid face. _Does everyone hurt as much as I do?_ She didn't know the answer. And she didn't care to ask. The bridge was still a mess. Fragments of glass punctured her skin as she reached something that looked like Wash's dinosaurs. She pulled out his Tyrannosaurus Rex and his Stegosaurus. Wash had always told her that the T-rex was his favorite because it was vicious, a carnivore, but Zoe always knew his gentle Stegosaurus was his favorite. Zoe clutched the plastic dinosaurs to her chest. Tears pricked her eyes until they fell without obstruction. Zoe heard heavy footsteps coming her way, metal thumps growing louder. She wiped her tears away as fast as she could, because she was strong. She wasn't going to fall apart. Mal sat himself in the passenger seat and looked up at Zoe.

"How are you fairing?" he asked. Zoe's hands bled from the scratches from the glass.

"I'm fine" she lied. "How is the rest of the crew?"

Mal blinked. Clearly Zoe wasn't fine. She was holding back. He knew it.

"Zoe," Mal began reluctantly. "Everyone on the boat is feeling the same pain you are. Heck, I can't imagine losing a husband, but I can imagine losing a great pilot, and it hurts all to hell. Don't think you haven't done your fair share of crying, because believe me when I tell you, I cried like a baby last night." Mal gave his signature smile that made everything seem better. _Seem._

Zoe smiled at his remark as a single tear began to slide down her cheek. She reached to wipe it away, but Mal gently took her wrist. "It's okay" he said. More began to steam down her cheeks, as she grasped the dinosaurs tighter. Mal looked down. He hated when Zoe cried. He was protective of everyone in the crew like a father.

"Thank you" Zoe said quietly. Mal touched her shoulder.

"Of course" he said. Mal walked away with the same metal thumps as when he came.

That was just what Zoe had needed. Shattered glass cracked under her heavy boots. She looked at the dinosaurs once again. Small, plastic eyes stared back at her. Her finger traced over the details of the plastic dinosaurs. Zoe smiled under the tears. She had two pieces of Wash.

_She wasn't empty anymore._


End file.
